Building resilience to thrive. Your story, your why, your impact.
A summary of the two-part workshop: looking after yourself as a speaker, then shaping your story so it lands in the room.
Resilience for you first
As speakers we carry more than most people see: re-telling our story, time on the road, isolation, and irregular work on top of a regular job. Telling your story takes something out of you. Resilience is how you put it back.
The same tools you use for yourself are the ones you can bring into the workplaces you speak to.
| Tool | For you | For the workplace |
|---|---|---|
| Gratitude | Breaks the negativity bias | Better morale on site |
| Mindfulness | Manages stress through your breath | Calmer decisions under pressure |
| Support systems | Know who is in your circle | Trust to call out behaviour with care and respect |
| Purpose | Keeps you going | People follow the rules when they know why |
The essentials to thrive
Before any strategy, these four need to be in place. On the road and on speaking days, they are the first things to slip.
Food and water
Real, whole food over processed. Water before coffee.
Sleep
Consistent times. A dark, cool room. Screens down early.
Movement
Every day. Even a walk between gigs counts.
Connection
Time with the people who fill you up.
Check in on these every fortnight. Pick your lowest one and choose one small action for the week.
Gratitude
Our brains are wired to notice the negative first. It kept us alive. The lake is lovely, but the bear is what we remember. Gratitude is how we break that negativity bias.
The proof
Most people struggle to recall three positive things they have seen in the media in the past week. Lower the bar to the past month, then the past year, and the good starts to appear. It was there all along. Our brain just does not go looking for it.
Pick one person you are grateful for. Be specific about why. Write it down or type it out, then send it to them.
Limit unhelpful media
Ask two questions: is it in my control, and can I do anything about it? If not, and it makes you feel bad, angry or down, there is little to gain from watching. Make it hard to watch:
- Use an app blocker to brick your phone
- Unplug the TV after use to add friction
- Set screen time limits
- Move the apps off your home screen
Make gratitude stick
- Set a daily phone reminder: one thing I am grateful for today
- Write down three things each day: work, life, a person
- Use gratitude to reframe past experiences, and take some bricks out of the backpack you carry
Mindfulness: your breath
The way we breathe changes the way our heart beats, and the way our heart beats is directly linked to our stress levels. In the live demo, the heart rate trace settled with slow breathing, jumped under the counting challenge, and recovered as soon as the slow breathing came back.
Coherence breathing
Sit tall, feet flat. In through the nose for 5 seconds, out for 5. Keep going for 2 minutes. Your reset before you walk on stage.
Physiological sigh
A full breath in through the nose, a short second sniff on top, then a long slow breath out through the mouth. Repeat 1 to 3 times.
The physiological sigh is the fastest way to calm down in the moment. A 2023 Stanford study found 5 minutes a day of cyclic sighing improved mood more than mindfulness meditation and slowed resting breathing rate.
Pick the right breath
| Technique | Pattern | Use it for | Video |
|---|---|---|---|
| Physiological sigh | 2 in through the nose, 1 long out | Fast calm in the moment | Watch Huberman on YouTube |
| Coherence | 5 in, 5 out | Reset and balance, anytime | Watch on YouTube |
| Box breathing | 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold | Focus under pressure | Watch on YouTube |
| Sleep breathing | 4 in, 7 hold, 8 out | Winding down at night | Watch Dr Weil on YouTube |
Videos open on YouTube in a new tab.
Support systems
When things get hard, who do you turn to? Think of your support as rings around you, and know the names in each ring before you need them.
| Ring | Who | The question to ask |
|---|---|---|
| Inner circle | Family and close friends | Who do I call first? |
| Peers | Fellow speakers and workmates | Who notices when I am not myself? |
| Professional support | GP, EAP, counsellor, iCare | Who can help when it is more than a mate can carry? |
Purpose
When we try to create change, we usually start with what we want the outcome to be, then work out how to get there. The why often gets skipped.
Whose life purpose is to work 9 to 5, 5 days a week? Nobody's. For almost all of us, work is a means to something else. That something else, the most important thing to you right now, is your why.
Speaking has its own risks
On the surface, life as a speaker is a safe job. But being on the road a lot is high risk. Back-to-back events create fatigue, and fatigue increases risk.
Place your anchor
Write your why down and put it where you will see it on a speaking day: your lock screen, your notes, your speaker bag or your laptop. When it gets heavy, it reminds you why you are there.
Reflect regularly
Do your daily actions line up with what matters to you?
Act with intent
Make choices that reflect your purpose, even in small ways.
Stay adaptable
Your purpose can shift as life changes. That is normal.
Your story. Your why. Your impact.
No one knows what you know, the way you know it. An organisation has invited you into their workplace to talk about what you know, and we are responsible for the energy we bring into the room.
Before we walk in
Works for us
Someone real
Lived experience
Credible
Not another compliance deck
Works against us
Boring
Tick-box
Being lectured
"It won't happen to me"
The Golden Circle
Start from the inside out (model: Simon Sinek). A good place to find your Why: why did you apply to be part of the program?
What you believe
The reason you speak. "I believe..."
Your story
And the way you tell it.
Your ask
What you want the audience to do.
Structure your story
Your story does not have to be told in order.
- Moment of impact. Open in the moment and hook the room.
- Key foundation. Jump back: who you were, the job, the routine.
- The outcome. What changed, and what you know now.
List 6 to 8 key moments you could share, keep the 3 that matter most for that audience, and pick the one you open on.
Sharing with intent
Vulnerability is key. In a world full of AI, a real person with lived experience is the one thing that cannot be faked. Tell it like you would tell a mate: know the beats, not a script.
Decide before you walk in:
- What am I willing to share?
- What is off limits?
- What will I say if someone asks about it?
Emotions are good. Have a reset ready.
Coherence breathing
5 seconds in, 5 seconds out. Before you walk on, and in the moment.
Pause
Silence does a lot of work. Take a sip of water.
Feet on the floor
Bring yourself back to the room.
Step-back line
"And that is why I am here today."
Connecting it back to safety
Your story matters to the audience when they can see themselves in it. Bridge from your moment to their workplace, then give them one clear thing to do. Not ten safety rules. Ask the organiser about their current risks beforehand so the ask fits.
The moment (pick one)
"The moment it could have gone differently was..."
"The warning sign I missed was..."
"If I could go back to that morning, I'd tell myself..."
"What I didn't know then, and know now, is..."
The ask (pick one)
"So what I'm asking you to do is..."
"Tomorrow, when you're on site, I want you to..."
"The one thing I'd love you to take home is..."
"Next time you see ___, I hope you'll..."
Presence and formats
Distance changes how people feel. These zones come from Edward Hall's research on personal space.
| Zone | Distance | What it feels like |
|---|---|---|
| Intimate | 0 to 45 cm | Family and close friends. Too close to a camera feels the same. |
| Personal | 45 cm to 1.2 m | One-on-one conversation. |
| Social | 1.2 to 3.6 m | Conversation space. Small groups and toolbox talks. Feels like a chat. |
| Public | 3.6 m and beyond | Presenting to a room. Needs more energy to connect. |
In the room
Lecterns create barriers, so step out from behind them. Don't stand above people; in a small group, sit at their level. Move with purpose and stand still for the key lines.
On camera
Too close is in someone's personal space. Take a couple of steps back, talk with people, then invite them back in for the moments that matter. Camera at eye level, light in front, stand if you can.
One story, many formats
A 15-minute chat with 5 to 10 people is a very different job to a 60-minute keynote to 500. We also get asked to do virtual sessions, Q&A and panels. Build your talk in modules around a core that holds at 15 minutes, and add to it for longer slots.
Ask the organiser before every booking:
- How long do I have, and is Q&A included?
- How many people, and who are they?
- What AV is available? Screen, clicker, microphone, lectern.
- What are your current safety risks or focus areas?
Your talk on a page
The skeleton of your talk, and the 15-minute core that works in any format.
Keep coming back to your workbook. Rate your confidence again in a month and see what has changed.
Sources
- Simon Sinek, the Golden Circle
- Edward T. Hall, The Hidden Dimension (1966)
- Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
- Balban et al., "Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal", Cell Reports Medicine (2023). Stanford Medicine summary